sunday night

I was listening to this song, 'Angel', and just felt that the lyrics make perfect sense. I'm feeling a bit jaded, pulling every piece together to string a reasonable plot - church, work, research, and the inexplicable joy that brings a certain sadness. The plot crumbles from time to time. Maybe I owe my existence to a defiant despite - despite anguish, impoverishment, loneliness, weakness, and self-doubt; they have come into being at all, for reasons that I cannot explain with ordinary words. In the process, there is that bit of longing to escape into another place, an imaginary place where there is much rest, and comfort.

... so tired of the straight line
and everywhere you turn
there's vultures and thieves at your back
and the storm keeps on twisting
you keep on building the lie
that you make up for all that you lack
it don't make no difference
escaping one last time
it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees...

'Angel'